Burns

Phone Sex Philosophy…

If you have phone sex with someone, you know like about housework and the bills and things, but don’t tell the other person in the call?
Then is it still phone sex…

Ear wax people…

I was having my ears syringed earlier. People often compare ear syringing to sex because it is satisfying and gooey stuff comes out. Well I would compare it to traditional animalistic sex because it felt fucking good but she did not leave the thing in for long enough and it worked but not how I wanted. I am seriously doubting I will give birth to ear wax people due to the dissatisfaction…

Ideas…

A bad idea is using burning toast to get rid of evil flies that turn up in your kitchen out of know where as if by magic. This may involve the fire brigade smoking out your kitchen with a massive fan and teenage girls laughing at you as you finally head to the pub…

Keep calm and…

I have taken two socks from my heater and it is a pair. This means something in my life is coming into alignment, that has been out of place for several months or years. So all these other times I wear odd socks…

Babies…

My ex girl was not my girl cos she was mean spirited. There was a little controversy as she expected me to blindly accept the baby was mine with no paternity test. She was in a more fortunate situation than I am, but still I do not like dishonesty. Anyway I was calling the boy my “sort of, probably not, could be, most likely isn’t sort of not actually baby” when speaking about the situation. The other day I had a few drinks and came up with the perfect name for a child of uncertain heritage, which was a “Maybe Baby”. Not only is this a perfect 4 syllables instead of a difficult mouthful, but it also rhymes, which is cool. So if you got a kid and your girl was not so honest or in some some way promiscuous. Then what you have is a “Maybe Baby”…

Test tube neglect…

Scarlett Johansson was in her home remodeling a plaster cast she had made of my penis, into a perfectly hard solid glass dildo as part of her mornings routine. When she realised she only had 3 more days of trying on various lingerie outfits for an upcoming sensual kissing scene in an upcoming movie at work today. The weekend after would mean her downtime project would be happening. This weekend she will return to her secret lab where every year she grows hundreds of human babies in her basement that she drops off at different hospitals and homes all over the world dressed in various life like costumes and disguises…

Dreams…

I sometimes day dream that when I am flatulant and in a relationship with Scarlett Johansson. Later that day she will push a not overly massive but plug in my bum hole and whip my ass very hard with a leather belt in order to correct this behaviour in future…

Feminine beauty…

A Woman is always so much more beautiful when she is wearing a dress. And if even this fails, she can always be photographed in black and white…

Her…

Well I worry about her, she’s running around in fields doing cartwheels and things, and for some reason I cannot seem to get here to sit on my face, maybe I should say hi or something…