I made a small yet hazardous step towards becoming a professional wino today. I was in Sainsbury’s and I selected £7 as the exact price I would spend on a bottle, no more, no less. Thus giving me less bottles to choose from and thus meaning I would not spend so long staring into the wine section. 7 is a lucky number, rhymes with heaven, and is close to the size of my penis…

Dead things…

“No, taking photographs of dead things is not quite normal” I thought to myself as I passed a whole dead fish with its bulging eyes on the pavement. Wait how did it get there? we are miles from sea. I saw a guy peddling a wheelchair with his hands last night and didn’t really think anything of it, even though days before I had been inventing similar things in my mind whilst walking. I think I can attribute this to severe shock and strange occurrences…

What is Slightly Profound…

Ok so previously we have delved into the roots of my sore and hard done by existence, and found the core elements of my creative wanderment on paper as a 13 year old boy with ‘SuperBlokey’

And we moved on to how this had changed into something else with other influences from films and then turned this into a whole new character, This character being ‘Super Vagina Moistening Boy’

Then realising this was kinda stolen off a classic comedy movie we then reflected upon my own more recent experience and reliable personal character traits and brought you ‘Slightly Profound Man’

So Today I am writing notes I wrote on a bus cos I was bored that you may not notice being too busy doing other things………

Which is…

What is ‘Slightly Profound’…

Slightly Profound is a wise and reflective yet slightly dumb or broken thing like er stuff.

Slightly Profound is the freedom to ride where you like as long as it is within the restrictions of the local bus routes.

Slightly Profound are the whispers of angels fallen from the whisp of dieties, but after they have been getting drunk so they don’t make sense.

Slightly Profound is accumilated from years of not quite being Profound enough even though Profound was never quite what anyone wanted.

Slightly Profound is slightly harmonious with wise.

Slightly Profound is what is always was and was never very intresting to begin with.

Slightly Profound will not be televised.

Slightly Profound will buy you lunch, but not a new house in the countryside where you have beautiful maidens running around in the buttercup fields passed the garden and forest, all with traditional pubic hair and and different types of traditional natural large……

Slightly Profound will become something! Maybe even slightly Profound.

Slightly Profound is not an aggressive path.

To Be Slightly Profound is to make up with god.

Slightly Profound is within the boundries of decency, love, respect, yet Slightly Profound does not know joy and happiness.

Slightly Profound is almost amazing yet not quite cool.

Slightly Profound is never enough but definitly something.

Slightly Profound is rational but not sensational.

Slightly Profound is a beautiful sky to be in awe of yet the view around only reaches a few miles.

Slightly Profound is a whole new revolutionary perspective when you already have quite a few in your sock draw already.

Slightly Profound is green traffic lights on a bus journey home last thing on a busy evening (or is that slightly cool).

Where will this lead next……

Slightly Profound Man verse…

1. Slightly Profound Man
Where have we found you?
Invented by me
Me equals Matthew.

2. Slightly Profound Man
Slightly Profound Man
you do all you can
to be profound, man.

Still the guys don’t listen
cos there doing something else
why oh why oh why oh why
Slightly Profound Man?

3. Slightly Profound Man
Are your plans profound?
Do you find yourself down?
When other people are too busy doin other stuff to listen n that?

4. You are a man
Who is slightly profound
Slightly Profound Man
Who stands on the ground
Are you wound up
As no one will listen?
Will someone hear your wisdom?
Slightly Profound Man?


Slightly Profound Man and The Two Blondes…

There were two hot teenage blonde girls outside a shop trying to help each other look old  to buy some vodka.
One hot teenage blonde girl said to the other hot teenage blonde girl “Your Mother is so ugly, th th tha that she has to like wear loads of make up”, the other hot teenage blonde girl said to the first young hot teenage blonde girl “Well your mother is so immensely fat, be be because she eats to much, as ever since your father died she has felt really sad and does not open up to anyone, and you never really talk to her and I actually think that’s really cruel, and you could at least maybe give her a hug and ask her how she is once in a while”.
Meanwhile Slightly Profound Man is heading the the very same shop to buy this months copy of ‘Hot Blonde Teenage Girls’ magazine.
One hot young teenage blonde says to slightly profound man.
“Hey Guy, could you pleaseeee get us some vodka, you can come and hang out with us, pleeeeease”
Slightly profound man says “Well do you think destiny is limited by a predefined set of actions, and therefore there is no such thing as freedom”.
The other hot teenage blonde girl says “Yeah, whatever, you gonna get us some vodka”.
Slightly Profound man says “No I am a responsible citizen, clearly you are underage”.



When I was young I could not draw, I was 13 years old and I could only draw cartoon eyes and nothing else much.

I drew a really bad monkey face and legs with fishnet stockings on a drawing that could have been done by a 6 year old, I named him “Superblokey”. He had all the usual shit, x-ray vision, superhuman strength bla bla bla, although his weakness was that he could not die not matter how much he wanted to. I wrote a poem about it years ago, I cant remember much of it so I wont pen it here. Come to think of it, its really quite depressive and sad.

In recent years I have been “Super Vagina Moistening Boy” which is because I get a lot of girls wet, but really I have a rubbish home and not much to advertise and I am quite shy, I could never talk to females. So some other guy always gets my juice.

I have realised recently that “super vagina moistening boy” a bit too much like “Orgasmo” from the film of the same title, only he gets the chicks and saves people.

So now…

My inner superhero will be called…

Slightly profound man…

Who always comes up with something slightly profound when everyone is too busy doing other things to notice…

I will write some basic stuff like poems, songs, short stories if I feel like it at some point or if I even care at all later on…

So er be too busy doing other things to be watching this space…


Is an anagram of lust.
OK not immensely funny but I actually never knew this before today, please leave comments with other slightly amusing anagrams…

And while you are at it, maybe you could tell me why puns are so involved with humour, these are my theory’s…

People who are involved in comedy would do lots of writing so a pun is a way of showing off being familiar with the very core elements of written language (ie letters).

Puns add a bit of thought to a simple joke, something to keep it residing in your mind so it is funny more than once, or still has a purpose when the political, social or whatever other kind of point has worn from the joke.

A joke is often similar to a riddle such as “why did the?” Or “what did the?” Or a mystery unraveling in a shaggy dog story (ie blablabla x 577 then puncline), and an anagram or pun is in some way encrypted also thus adding to the mystery and thus increased thought process and small logical thinking.

Any thoughts and amusing anagrams please in comments…