Things… and stuff!

Things that are good and why…

Television – television is good because people who watch tv are less likely to infect each other with chicken pox, cold sores and the ebola virus as they are too busy chain smoking and eating dangerous amounts of junk food and alcohol while watching Eastenders or whatever it is nowadays.

Television is also good because it gives people stuff to talk about apparently.

Buses – buses are good because there are less people driving and thus less people making the bees tired with all the exhaust fumes.

That and like the ozone layer and things.

Breasts – breasts are good, so are vaginas, so is sex, I rarely get any.

Plates – Plates are good because they have food on them, however they are fundemantally very very dull as a singular entitie, no matter how many patterns you put on a plate, or women holding jugs pouring milk under a victorian sunset, that is still very very dull, sorry.

Washing machines – washing machines are really good because they stop me being even more smelly than my trainers do alone, however I do not know anything other than 40 degree synthetic setting, also know to the older generation as “The bloke setting”.

My washing machine was making my clothes more smelly because of hippy washing alternative “Soap nuts”, I tried but they didnt work for me. Chemicles are good for washing machines.

Hugs – Hugs are incredibally wonderful and amazing, especially if you include breasts too, not even in an arousing way just squishy breasty hugs, and other hugs, all hugs, hugs are great…

Low cut tops – I recently was given an old vest t shirt that belonged to my cousin Adam. At first I was afraid, I was petrified, however I walked around in a thin low cut vest and I noticed some women or girls or even guys noticing me. And I thought “Wow, this is great”. So now I wear vest type thing as part of a rigerous uniform, I really enjoy picking things up and leaning more than I ever have. Oh and bending in yoga and body balance for the “Plank” position.

If I was a woman I would would flaunt my cleavage until the day only a brain damaged ex convict on large amounts of coffee would appreciate them, whom I would take into my evil clutches when he was volounteering at the old peoples home where I would live. Gradually I would talk about much younger women at the beach to gradually lure him in and make him too arroused to be able to resist, I would bore him for several hours about things I enjoyed doing and show him photographs of other peoples holidays I found laying around in parks and hospitals.

Things that are bad and why…

Televisions – The idiot box will drain you of any real active life, I much prefer radio 4, I actually really hate television, I hardly watch it, it completly zombified me.

Did I lie, did I forget, was I just in a haze, yeah tv, hmmm. I like music videos though.

KFC – I am currently struggling with a mild KFC dependancy, I keep walking past and there is like this super electro magnet that homes in on the iron in my blood stream and draws me in. I can say in the morning I will not go in, I can try and stop myself one day, I can say “I’m done with that shit”. But I will always be back.

See also Pot Noodle, doughnuts, etc etc

Bullies – bullies are bad, it’s important to have defence, but then would it be too strong, or turn out to be bullying too… you decide…

Boredom – I think you get to a point of being bored when your bored of it so you find different things that bore you, these are called hobbies and interests. I would rather be going down waterslides than sitting on a bus. Or ice skating than yoga or reading. but you know.

Being ripped off and having to ask for a refund or replacement – these moments are always so akward for me, I always feel as if I have walked into someones home and asked them to eat there own feices when I ask for a replacement or refund.

People who speak on your behalf in front of you without you wanting them too – just grrrr only have 13 minutes left at the library and want seven of each…

Non descript bacterial infections in your penis – It’s not serious enough to be horrifying like aids, but I had one and got some antibiotics, then I had to not masturbate for two or three weeks afterwards. This was in like decemeber or something, now it is September, I still cant not masturbate and I still have a bit of stinging, the most I managed is 11 days, as soon as I feel slightly healed I miss my “Matt’s happy times” so much that I go at it several times, over and over. I have methods of keeping myself doing it like convincing myself my sex drive will never come back or its really important to keep your stamina trained to keep my future wife happy. But a mans best friend is never lonely if a man is very very very very Bored

I am not…

Just a dildo accessory, that you can pull from the draw of imagination when your feeling a little moist and lonely.

Just a toy for you to feed, fuck, sit on my face and then after you have fed me some cereal the next morning,  send me  home to be back at your beck and call whenever you feel like it.

Just a voice on the phone to feed your fantasy of an ever ready cock with no other purpose than to please your bodily desires.

I am a real person, with real needs and a flair for affection and love and companionship.

Although that would be kind of brilliant.

My hair looks really not OK today, something Must Be Done!
At some point, soon.
Really soon.
Maybe tomorrow then, yeah tomorrow, or just whenever I feel like it.
When I just kind of do it at some point soon.
Or a little later maybe.
When I am ready…

What is Slightly Profound…

Ok so previously we have delved into the roots of my sore and hard done by existence, and found the core elements of my creative wanderment on paper as a 13 year old boy with ‘SuperBlokey’

And we moved on to how this had changed into something else with other influences from films and then turned this into a whole new character, This character being ‘Super Vagina Moistening Boy’

Then realising this was kinda stolen off a classic comedy movie we then reflected upon my own more recent experience and reliable personal character traits and brought you ‘Slightly Profound Man’

So Today I am writing notes I wrote on a bus cos I was bored that you may not notice being too busy doing other things………

Which is…

What is ‘Slightly Profound’…

Slightly Profound is a wise and reflective yet slightly dumb or broken thing like er stuff.

Slightly Profound is the freedom to ride where you like as long as it is within the restrictions of the local bus routes.

Slightly Profound are the whispers of angels fallen from the whisp of dieties, but after they have been getting drunk so they don’t make sense.

Slightly Profound is accumilated from years of not quite being Profound enough even though Profound was never quite what anyone wanted.

Slightly Profound is slightly harmonious with wise.

Slightly Profound is what is always was and was never very intresting to begin with.

Slightly Profound will not be televised.

Slightly Profound will buy you lunch, but not a new house in the countryside where you have beautiful maidens running around in the buttercup fields passed the garden and forest, all with traditional pubic hair and and different types of traditional natural large……

Slightly Profound will become something! Maybe even slightly Profound.

Slightly Profound is not an aggressive path.

To Be Slightly Profound is to make up with god.

Slightly Profound is within the boundries of decency, love, respect, yet Slightly Profound does not know joy and happiness.

Slightly Profound is almost amazing yet not quite cool.

Slightly Profound is never enough but definitly something.

Slightly Profound is rational but not sensational.

Slightly Profound is a beautiful sky to be in awe of yet the view around only reaches a few miles.

Slightly Profound is a whole new revolutionary perspective when you already have quite a few in your sock draw already.

Slightly Profound is green traffic lights on a bus journey home last thing on a busy evening (or is that slightly cool).

Where will this lead next……

Slightly Profound Man verse…

1. Slightly Profound Man
Where have we found you?
Invented by me
Me equals Matthew.

2. Slightly Profound Man
Slightly Profound Man
you do all you can
to be profound, man.

Still the guys don’t listen
cos there doing something else
why oh why oh why oh why
Slightly Profound Man?

3. Slightly Profound Man
Are your plans profound?
Do you find yourself down?
When other people are too busy doin other stuff to listen n that?

4. You are a man
Who is slightly profound
Slightly Profound Man
Who stands on the ground
Are you wound up
As no one will listen?
Will someone hear your wisdom?
Slightly Profound Man?



Is an anagram of lust.
OK not immensely funny but I actually never knew this before today, please leave comments with other slightly amusing anagrams…

And while you are at it, maybe you could tell me why puns are so involved with humour, these are my theory’s…

People who are involved in comedy would do lots of writing so a pun is a way of showing off being familiar with the very core elements of written language (ie letters).

Puns add a bit of thought to a simple joke, something to keep it residing in your mind so it is funny more than once, or still has a purpose when the political, social or whatever other kind of point has worn from the joke.

A joke is often similar to a riddle such as “why did the?” Or “what did the?” Or a mystery unraveling in a shaggy dog story (ie blablabla x 577 then puncline), and an anagram or pun is in some way encrypted also thus adding to the mystery and thus increased thought process and small logical thinking.

Any thoughts and amusing anagrams please in comments…