Time Travel…

Two dinosaurs were chilling out on top of a hill by a time-space portal,  chatting about the week thus far, which was the usual routine for a Sunday morning.

All of a sudden with a flash of light, bleeps, blops and warb warb sounds, a middle aged male Victorian explorer teleported through the time portal in the most aristocratic attire and a decent English accent.

“Excuse me there good fellows”, he said politely, “Do you happen to know which period we are in?”

The first dinosaur let out an almighty roar as the other reached down and bit into his head and severed it roughly and quickly from the rest of his body, leaving blood gushing from his neck and his body in a epileptic type seizure.

“Well then”, said the first dinosaur, “I think it must be time to head to church.”

So they wandered down the hill together at a slow and tranquil pace towards the village.



The return of the overweight menstrating lesbians…

Two overweight menstrating lesbians were together in the bath, with a thin but fine layer of lavender scented bubbles, in a huge and dim candle lit bathroom, sharing a bottle of the finest champagne to the sounds of the smoothest and most romantic music imaginable.
One overweight menstrating lesbian said to the other overweight menstrating lesbian “Oh for fuck sake, do you really have to fucking bleed EVERYWHERE!”. The other overweight menstrating lesbian replied to the original overweight menstrating lesbian “Fuck off you Cunt”.
Then the other other overweight menstrating lesbian looked at her self in the mirror stood near the bath and thought to herself “Hey, hang on just a minute, I am not supposed to be in this joke”, she stared at her naked body and for one time in her whole life did not feel out of place or insecure, and did not feel so bad about having to be alone at night.

Overweight mensturating lesbians…

Two overweight mensturating lesbians were sat in the kitchen one morning looking lovingly into each others eyes. Outside through the window the sun was shining brightly over the trees and the birds were chirping happily to one another. Then all of a sudden the toast popped out of the toaster. One overweight menstuarting lesbian shouted really really really really really really loudly to the other overweight mesturating lesbian “I WANTED TO USE THE TOASTER FIRST YOU FUCKING CUNT!”. And thus the joke was finished and breakfast was very tense that morning, and was to be so for a few more mornings to come afterwards…

I am not…

Just a dildo accessory, that you can pull from the draw of imagination when your feeling a little moist and lonely.

Just a toy for you to feed, fuck, sit on my face and then after you have fed me some cereal the next morning,  send me  home to be back at your beck and call whenever you feel like it.

Just a voice on the phone to feed your fantasy of an ever ready cock with no other purpose than to please your bodily desires.

I am a real person, with real needs and a flair for affection and love and companionship.

Although that would be kind of brilliant.

My hair looks really not OK today, something Must Be Done!
At some point, soon.
Really soon.
Maybe tomorrow then, yeah tomorrow, or just whenever I feel like it.
When I just kind of do it at some point soon.
Or a little later maybe.
When I am ready…


How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s obviously a matter of dynamics.

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don’t know like eq it a bit.

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Your kidding, I have to stand up?