Time Travel…

Two dinosaurs were chilling out on top of a hill by a time-space portal,  chatting about the week thus far, which was the usual routine for a Sunday morning.

All of a sudden with a flash of light, bleeps, blops and warb warb sounds, a middle aged male Victorian explorer teleported through the time portal in the most aristocratic attire and a decent English accent.

“Excuse me there good fellows”, he said politely, “Do you happen to know which period we are in?”

The first dinosaur let out an almighty roar as the other reached down and bit into his head and severed it roughly and quickly from the rest of his body, leaving blood gushing from his neck and his body in a epileptic type seizure.

“Well then”, said the first dinosaur, “I think it must be time to head to church.”

So they wandered down the hill together at a slow and tranquil pace towards the village.


The return of the overweight menstrating lesbians…

Two overweight menstrating lesbians were together in the bath, with a thin but fine layer of lavender scented bubbles, in a huge and dim candle lit bathroom, sharing a bottle of the finest champagne to the sounds of the smoothest and most romantic music imaginable.
One overweight menstrating lesbian said to the other overweight menstrating lesbian “Oh for fuck sake, do you really have to fucking bleed EVERYWHERE!”. The other overweight menstrating lesbian replied to the original overweight menstrating lesbian “Fuck off you Cunt”.
Then the other other overweight menstrating lesbian looked at her self in the mirror stood near the bath and thought to herself “Hey, hang on just a minute, I am not supposed to be in this joke”, she stared at her naked body and for one time in her whole life did not feel out of place or insecure, and did not feel so bad about having to be alone at night.

Overweight mensturating lesbians…

Two overweight mensturating lesbians were sat in the kitchen one morning looking lovingly into each others eyes. Outside through the window the sun was shining brightly over the trees and the birds were chirping happily to one another. Then all of a sudden the toast popped out of the toaster. One overweight menstuarting lesbian shouted really really really really really really loudly to the other overweight mesturating lesbian “I WANTED TO USE THE TOASTER FIRST YOU FUCKING CUNT!”. And thus the joke was finished and breakfast was very tense that morning, and was to be so for a few more mornings to come afterwards…

I am not…

Just a dildo accessory, that you can pull from the draw of imagination when your feeling a little moist and lonely.

Just a toy for you to feed, fuck, sit on my face and then after you have fed me some cereal the next morning,  send me  home to be back at your beck and call whenever you feel like it.

Just a voice on the phone to feed your fantasy of an ever ready cock with no other purpose than to please your bodily desires.

I am a real person, with real needs and a flair for affection and love and companionship.

Although that would be kind of brilliant.

My hair looks really not OK today, something Must Be Done!
At some point, soon.
Really soon.
Maybe tomorrow then, yeah tomorrow, or just whenever I feel like it.
When I just kind of do it at some point soon.
Or a little later maybe.
When I am ready…


How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s obviously a matter of dynamics.

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don’t know like eq it a bit.

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Your kidding, I have to stand up?



I know not the first thing about anything. Yet after I am consumed by the promiscuity and promise of relaxed warmth, that the nectars containing alcohol brings upon the departure of my sobriety, I will know the last thing about everything…

I don’t know the first thing about anything, but if I am pissed I know the last thing about everything.

I don’t know nuthink, unless I’m pissed, then I’m a riaght loud mouth, know what am sayin…

What is Slightly Profound…

Ok so previously we have delved into the roots of my sore and hard done by existence, and found the core elements of my creative wanderment on paper as a 13 year old boy with ‘SuperBlokey’

And we moved on to how this had changed into something else with other influences from films and then turned this into a whole new character, This character being ‘Super Vagina Moistening Boy’

Then realising this was kinda stolen off a classic comedy movie we then reflected upon my own more recent experience and reliable personal character traits and brought you ‘Slightly Profound Man’

So Today I am writing notes I wrote on a bus cos I was bored that you may not notice being too busy doing other things………

Which is…

What is ‘Slightly Profound’…

Slightly Profound is a wise and reflective yet slightly dumb or broken thing like er stuff.

Slightly Profound is the freedom to ride where you like as long as it is within the restrictions of the local bus routes.

Slightly Profound are the whispers of angels fallen from the whisp of dieties, but after they have been getting drunk so they don’t make sense.

Slightly Profound is accumilated from years of not quite being Profound enough even though Profound was never quite what anyone wanted.

Slightly Profound is slightly harmonious with wise.

Slightly Profound is what is always was and was never very intresting to begin with.

Slightly Profound will not be televised.

Slightly Profound will buy you lunch, but not a new house in the countryside where you have beautiful maidens running around in the buttercup fields passed the garden and forest, all with traditional pubic hair and and different types of traditional natural large……

Slightly Profound will become something! Maybe even slightly Profound.

Slightly Profound is not an aggressive path.

To Be Slightly Profound is to make up with god.

Slightly Profound is within the boundries of decency, love, respect, yet Slightly Profound does not know joy and happiness.

Slightly Profound is almost amazing yet not quite cool.

Slightly Profound is never enough but definitly something.

Slightly Profound is rational but not sensational.

Slightly Profound is a beautiful sky to be in awe of yet the view around only reaches a few miles.

Slightly Profound is a whole new revolutionary perspective when you already have quite a few in your sock draw already.

Slightly Profound is green traffic lights on a bus journey home last thing on a busy evening (or is that slightly cool).

Where will this lead next……

Slightly Profound Man verse…

1. Slightly Profound Man
Where have we found you?
Invented by me
Me equals Matthew.

2. Slightly Profound Man
Slightly Profound Man
you do all you can
to be profound, man.

Still the guys don’t listen
cos there doing something else
why oh why oh why oh why
Slightly Profound Man?

3. Slightly Profound Man
Are your plans profound?
Do you find yourself down?
When other people are too busy doin other stuff to listen n that?

4. You are a man
Who is slightly profound
Slightly Profound Man
Who stands on the ground
Are you wound up
As no one will listen?
Will someone hear your wisdom?
Slightly Profound Man?