Miley Cyrus…

I read an internet rumour that said Miley Cyrus is dead, which I was a little bit upset by as I watch her videos with my friend Charlotte sometimes when I visit for a cup of tea. I refer to such videos as “music video porn”. I wrote a song this morning about how I feel about the whole thing when I was waking up, it goes…

Miley Cyrus wants to sit on my face, sit on my face, sit on my face…. Miley Cyrus wants to sit on my face, sit sit on my fa aceeeee…

I do not know if she is really dead as I do not pay attention to the news or have a television, radio or internet connection (except on my phone).

Ear wax people…

I was having my ears syringed earlier. People often compare ear syringing to sex because it is satisfying and gooey stuff comes out. Well I would compare it to traditional animalistic sex because it felt fucking good but she did not leave the thing in for long enough and it worked but not how I wanted. I am seriously doubting I will give birth to ear wax people due to the dissatisfaction…

Ideas…

A bad idea is using burning toast to get rid of evil flies that turn up in your kitchen out of know where as if by magic. This may involve the fire brigade smoking out your kitchen with a massive fan and teenage girls laughing at you as you finally head to the pub.

Keep calm and…

I have taken two socks from my heater and it is a pair. This means something in my life is coming into alignment, that has been out of place for several months or years. So all these other times I… Wear odd socks

Babies…

My ex girl was not my girl cos she was mean spirited. There was a little controversy as she expected me to blindly accept the baby was mine with no paternity test. She was in a more fortunate situation than I am, but still I do not like dishonesty. Anyway I was calling the boy my “sort of, probably not, could be, most likely isn’t sort of not actually baby” when speaking about the situation. The other day I had a few drinks and came up with the perfect name for a child of uncertain heritage, which was a “Maybe Baby”. Not only is this a perfect 4 syllables instead of a difficult mouthful, but it also rhymes, which is cool. So if you got a kid and your girl was not so honest or in some some way promiscuous. Then what you have is a “Maybe Baby”…